Boundaries and Self-Care: I love my job

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"The problem is, I love my job"

"It's just this one project"

"It's a busy season"

If you've worked in the homeless sector, you have likely heard about, and almost definitely battled with, self-care.  You've taken the ego boost that comes with doing it all (be honest), swelled up with pride when you handled a complex program and saw successful results, lectured your team about taking time off even though you hand our your personal number to more people than a new business, that way they can reach you, just in case.  If you're reading this and have started to wonder if I am in fact spying on you (I'm not), then it's time to revisit your boundaries.  I almost hate saying it as much as you hate reading it.  So why say it at all? Because you need to hear it.

Let me follow up by saying, I believe you.  I believe you love your job.  I believe you are crushing it with work so complex that makes most folks dizzy.  I believe you intend to slow down, maybe even take time off, once this "busy season" ends.  However, as someone who has been working with folks experiencing homelessness for nearly two decades, I must say, I worry about you.  I worry that your entire identity has slowly been engulfed in this work.  I worry that your self-worth comes from your ability and capacity to sprint towards solutions.  And I worry that one day, when you are forced to stop (and sooner or later that day will come), you won't know who you are or what to do with yourself.  I worry for the day when stillness will crush and paralyze you.  I worry because when those things happen, the special something in you that allows you to jump out of bed and help those in need won't be there.  In that day, you'll start to shift.  It'll be subtle at first, a seeming excess of annoying coworkers, a cooler response to a tragic story. Then the shift will get bigger: a shudder at your phone, a harsh tone with a colleague, a dismissive response to a client.

It doesn't have to come to that, though.  You can decide even in this especially busy season, on this one project, while doing the job you love, you will turn off your phone at night.  You will leave on time.  Most importantly, you will give yourself the chance to be present with your loved ones and with yourself.  Will that mean a larger pile of work tomorrow? Probably, but be honest, the work was always too much anyways.  Become comfortable in being behind, asking for help, delegating.  Know that the world moves forward without your explicit permission or consent and take refuge in that; there is a gift in not carrying the burden of the entire world on your shoulders.

Loving this work has never been the problem. Carrying it alone has been. The sector does not need your exhaustion to prove your commitment, and the people you serve do not benefit from your quiet unraveling. What they need is the version of you that is grounded, human, and able to stay—month after month, year after year. Boundaries are not a betrayal of the work; they are what make longevity possible. So choose them now, not when your body or spirit forces the choice for you. Choose them because you want to keep loving this job, and because the work deserves you whole, not hollowed out. 

Oh, and if you're not sure where to start, I'm here to talk about it :)

Blog > Boundaries and Self-Care