Crush Your Ego

What does it mean to eliminate your ego?  According to this article in the Harvard Business Review, you ought to ditch excessive perks, seek people who won’t sugar coat things for you, or your position (advice we heard from a previous post on power), and practice humility and gratitude.  As I read this article (and countless others over the last few months), I can’t help but feel like something was missing.  These seemed like good first steps to stifle your ego, but how could I eliminate it all together?

My answer came in the form of a very small book entitled Way of the Ascetics by Tito Colliander.  This surprisingly small (and free!) book offers methods of eliminating your ego through the key practice of discipline.  This book is not for the faint of heart!  It is written for Christian ascetics after all, who by definition are people who “practice severe self-discipline and abstention” for the purpose of achieving eternal life.  So some directions might seem extreme but here are a couple of good points to start with.

1. Make the decision to start now (p.2).  You’re busy, I get it.  You have a hundred things to do and it can feel overwhelming to add another task to your responsibilities.  This is your opportunity to work smarter, not harder.  And for now, all you have to do is decide that you want this.

   • When you eliminate your ego, your desire to be right, to win, to dominate, and a lot of other tasks on your to do list disappear.

   • This has been a big learning for me personally.  I have historically been concerned with being right and I put a considerable amount of effort into letting others know “the right thing”.  I told myself it wasn’t about me, but about making sure others know the truth and it lead to needless battles where my ego was on the line.  I eventually learned to let go of some of those battles. Even if I am right, what do I win by beating others over the head with it?  Don’t misunderstand me, there are somethings you should absolutely take a stand for, but pick your battles and save some time.

2. Ask God for help (p.3).  The root of this problem is about how we relate to others and the interactions we are accustomed to having with other people.  To break this pattern, we need help and humility by definition requires that we ask for that help.

3. Practice silence.  Speak last in meetings; forgo unnecessary disagreements or stating your opinions.  I struggled with this at first.  As a manager, I am being paid to give my expert opinion.  “What am I supposed to do?” I asked myself, “Just sit there in meetings and say nothing?  What if they ask me what I think?”.  But after some practice, I’ve learned I don’t need to speak any where near as often as I do.  I was truly surprised to learn this.  It turns out I live in a world where people’s lives successfully go on without my directions and opinions and I’d be willing to bet that this is true of the people in your lives as well.  Yes, I still speak up at meetings, but I fight my initial urge to do so and in this process have learned that without my guidance in a conversation, meetings often take a very pleasant turn.  People come up with ideas and solutions that are beyond my imagination and it has been amazing to watch.

So give it a shot and let me know how it works out for you!